Perfect Acres
The Musical




WHAT IS THE POINT OF A CHILD


(Sung by Mr. Snoot who allows no children in his housing development, Perfect Acres, Inc., where all the houses look like rows of shoe boxes.)

What is the point, the point of a child
They're noisy, they're grubby, they're wild
Heads stuff with mayhem, try to escape 'em
What is the point of a child

What is the point, the point of a child
They're nasty, they're naughty, they're beasts
Behavior outrageous, put them in cages
What is the point of a child

Why can't people be born fully grown
It's sensible, defensible
How splendid it would be
If they were all patterned like me

What is the point, the point of a child
They're noisy, they're grubby, they're wild
They pry and poke, are wickedly curious
Oh, what is the point of a child




PERFECTA'S SONG

(Sung by Perfecta Deportmenta, who has had the misfortune of being born and living right next door to Mr. Droopert P. Snoot)

Where do thoughts come from that spin in my head
Not seen, nor heard, nor read
Thoughts as wide, wide as the sky
Where do they come from and go

Questions from where, where have they flown
Questions that are mine alone
Thoughts as high, high as a star
Where do they come from and go

What makes a rose smell so sweet
Do world and rainbow ever meet
How does a seed know when it should sprout
When the sun goes down is my shadow still out

Where do thoughts come from that spin in my head
Not seen, nor heard, nor read
Thoughts as wide, wide as the sky
Where do they come from and go
Why do they come and go




GLUMPER AND DROOPER AND SQUINT

(Sung by Mr. Droopert P. Snoot and his aunties, Glumper and Squint)

We're Glumper and Droopert and Squint
We're truly a loathsome lot
We're bad as we seem, we're incredibly mean
Don't care if you like us or not

We're Glumper and Droopert and Squint
Offensive, unpleasant and rude
We're evil and vicious and downright malicious
And that's when we're in a good mood

When you describe us you'll find
That crabby and cruel come to mind
And let me suggest a word for your list
Obnoxious should not be dismissed

We're Glumper and Droopert and Squint
We're nasty, we're cross and we're sour
We think it is neat that you're stuck in your seat
To watch us grow worse by the hour.




HO HUM HUMPTY

(Sung by the horses to H. Dumpty because Mr. Snoot wishes to change the names of children's book characters)

Ho hum Humpty, Humpty Dumpty
Ho hum Humpty, on your rumpty
Hey diddle, diddle, a fiddle, a riddle
Hey diddle, diddle, diddely dump

Why change your name to Harvey or Horace
What's in a name you're an egg just the same
Morris or Boris or why not Doris
What's in a name you're an egg just the same

Ho hum Humpty, Humpty Dumpty
Ho hum Humpty, dumpity dump
Hey diddle, diddle, diddely dump
So you're cracked as you've always been
Your shell's not smooth like a baby's skin
We'd like to help you true, of course
But what can you really expect from a horse

So ta, ta Humpty, Humpty Dumpty
Have a nice day and toodley oo
Ta, ta Humpty, Humpity Dumpty
Don't call us, we will call you




THE OFFICIALS SONG

(Sung by officials Puffle, Pheezle, Pottle, Piffle, and Peebles)

We're known as the officials
We are very busy
If we have nothing else to do
We form a committee

We think that we know everything
In matters legislative
But when we don't, why
We just get creative

We're not sure what we're doing
But we will not admit it
We'd all just lose our lovely jobs
In a New York minute




HURRAH FOR ANIMALS

(Sung by Old Monkey)

What ho for the tails and the ears and the paws
And friendly wet noses, now where's your applause
What's more superior from head to the rearior
Than serendipitious, fabudelicious AN-I-MALS.

What ho for the jumping, the bouncing, the leaps
The hopping hip hopping, the one who creeps
What's more superior from head to the rearior
Than serendipitious, fabudelicious AN-I-MALS.

Of course there are animals not quite nice
Unfortunately this is true
You know who they are and what they do
But happily they're only a few

Hurrah for the wiggles, the snuffles, the purrs
And whatever marvelous else that occurs
What's more superior from head to the rearior
Than serendipitious, fabudelicious A-A-NI-I-MALS




BARELY, BETWIXT AND BETWEEN

(Sung by them)

We're Barely, Betwixt, and Between
Most of what we are is unseen
And what's more confusing and not one bit amusing
We rarely do say what we mean

We're Barely, Betwixt, and Between
Improbably narrow and lean
And there's a good reason we're not just teasin'
We wish to be heard and not seen

We're Barely, Betwixt, and Between
Nothing we do is routine
But don't interfere with what may appear
In the next unbelievable scene

We're Barely, Betwixt, and Between
Most of what we are is unseen
And what's more confusing and not one bit amusing
We rarely do say what we mean.




THE POINT OF A CHILD

(Sung by Mr. Snoot at the end)

What is the point, the point of a child
They're witty, they're charming, they're fun
Heads stuffed with delight
Eyes filled with sunlight
That is the point of a child

What is the point, the point of a child
They're lovely, they're splendid, they're nice
Behavior enchanting, no way to supplant 'em
That is the point of a child
What if people were born fully-grown
How horrible, deplorable
How ghastly it would be
If one was patterned like ME

What is the point, the point of a child
They're intriguing, exciting, each one
Laughing and joking, wonderfully curious
That is the point of a child
That is the point of a child