Peppermints in the Parlor
The Musical

Once upon a time, I decided I'd like to write some lyrics. So I did. I entered two of them in an international music contest. International, mind you. I don't know what I was thinking. To my amazement, I came up a quarter finalist, and even won an award. Our son informed me that none of his many musician friends who had been entering the contest for years had ever won a thing. This went (where else?) right to my head, and big prize winner me had to find someone to set my song to music. Above-mentioned (and unimpressed) son was too busy, so I looked up someone at the Alexandria Penwomen, of which I was then a member. And that's how the ultra-talented Nancy Reed and I got together. Nancy, who had written and had several operas performed, among many other musical achievements, not only set my song to music, but also said she'd love to work with me on turning Peppermints in the Parlor into a musical. You can't hear Nancy's great music here, but these are the words to the songs, written by me, and of course set to music by Nancy. Devastatingly, neither Nancy nor Jean Karl, who bought the book, ever got to see or hear the play. Both were gone just two months before it was produced by Tapestry Theatre in Alexandria.




PEPPERMINTS IN THE PARLOR

(Sung in the dark by Mrs. Meeching)

Peppermints in the parlor
Tempting you to touch
Peppermints in the parlor
Where one touch is a touch too much
Peppermints in the parlor
Tempting you to dare
Peppermints in the parlor
Beware, beware, beware

Better to use care
Better not to stare
Better not let me gloat
As you let one slide down your throat

Peppermints in the parlor
Tempting you to fall
Fall before the eyes and ears of
Sugar Hill Hall




SEARCH THROUGH THE NIGHT

(Sung by Emily at the opening)

I search through the night and the darkness
But find emptiness everywhere
I look into eyes that are passing
But find only strangers there

I wait for someone to find me
Someone who won't disappear
Taking the sound of laughter
Leaving behind the tears

What I had has gone and left me alone
I need someone to call my own
Waiting for someone to find me
But is that someone there?

I search through the night and the darkness
But find emptiness everywhere
Tell me, is there anyone
Waiting for me out there?




DINING AT THE RITZ

(Sung by Tilly to Emily)

So this ain't the grandest restaurant in town
The soup doo joor's the worstest stuff around
Now this ain't exactly like dining at the Ritz
But what you got is all that you gits!

So this ain't the bestest eating place about
'Twon't do any good for you to scream or shout
'Cause this ain't exactly like dining at the Ritz
And what you got is all that you gits.

So the bread has turned a little bit greeny
It ain't your idea of hoot coosinee
But you can't be so squeamy weemy
Or you'll die - die - die of starvation.

And when you're lying stoney in the ground
Ain't got any soup nor bread around
Well then you'll wish you were sitting where you sits
And never mind 'bout dining at the Ritz




THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL

(Sung by Mrs. Meeching to Emily)

You're the bottom of the barrel
You're the lowest of the low
You're so far down into the pit
There's nothing more below.

You're the bottom of the barrel
With stink and slime and goo
The dregs of all society
Are much too good for you.

Keep in your place!
Stay where you are!
Don't try a trick!
You won't get far - for

You're the bottom of the barrel
You're lower than the low
You're so far down upon the list
There's no one else be - low.




SEA SONG

(Sung by Kipper to tune of London Bridges Falling Down)

When I was young I went to sea,
Went to sea, went to sea,
The name of my ship was the Fiddle Dee Dee
My fair lady!

Up came a storm and blew us all 'round
Blew us all 'round, blew us all 'round,
Next I knew I was upside down,
My fair lady!

Then right to the bottom went the Fiddle Dee Dee,
Fiddle Dee Dee, Fiddle Dee Dee,
But everyone was saved, EXCEPTING ME,
My fair lady!




ABSOLUTELY PERFECT

(Sung by the Porcus family with asides by Aunty Loops)
For we are absolutely perfect
In a pig's eye (Aunty Loops)
For we're the Porcus family - snort
In perfect harmony

And we descend from highest places
They're more like pig sties (Aunty Loops)
We have a simply super family tree
With only a few to disgrace us

For we are porcus delectus
But I'm Porcus delicti (Aunty Loops)
And now don't try to correct us - snort
For we hardly ever lie

Because we're absolutely marvelous
There's no one we would rather be
There's nothing that's deviner than
The Porcus family - our fami - ly.

Blah, blah, blah (Aunty Loops)




RUM PUM

(Sung by Kipper when Mrs. Meeching offers him peppermints to tattle tale on Emily.)

Tell a little tale
And it's rum pum
Put it in your tum tum
Yum yum

Make up a little story
And it's such fun
Bettr'n suckin' your thumb thumb
Yum yum

Spy a little
Lie a little
Nothing 'bout me's dumb dumb
Know which side your plums, plums come from
Yum yum

You can count on me, mum
Rum pum
Tum tum
Fun fun
Plum plum
Yum yum
You can count on me, mum, rum pum
Tum tum, fun fun, plum plum, yum yum!




M-A-G-I-C

(Sung by Kipper to Emily)

There are some things in this creation
For which there's no explanation
It's quite clear, at least to me
They must by m-a-g-i-c

I know you have some questions
But please take my suggestions
Unlock your mind and set it free
And believe in m-a-g-i-c

For any place and any time
You never know what you will find
Eagles soaring in the sky
Songs shells sing and fireflies

There are those things in this creation
For which there's no grand explanation
Things I'm sure you will agree
Called m-a-g-i-c




BUTTERFLIES

(Sung by Mrs. Poovey when Emily put the kitten in her lap)

Long ago there were butterflies
Children with daffodils and dancing eyes
Where have they flown to
Where have they blown
Where are the butterflies now?

Long ago there were soft sunbeams
Rooms warm with laughter and spinning dreams
Where have they run to
Where have they spun
Where are the sunbeams now?

Memories play such funny games
Hide and go seek with faces and names
Then it's all lost in the mist of time
Was there ever a reason, ever a rhyme?

Long ago were there butterflies
Were there ever children with dancing eyes
If there were butterflies
They must fly still
Where are the butterflies now?




MEMORIES ARE SILVER

(Sung by Mrs. Plumly when dancing with Emily to a music box melody)

Some memories are silver
Some are gold
Yet can't bought
Nor can they be sold
But isn't it grand
And isn't it fine
They can be shared like vintage wine
A cup of yours
A cup of mine




DANCE HALL DOOZY

(Sung in the cellar of The Jolly Sailor by a Peppermints in the Parlor villain, who shall here remain nameless)

I've been dance hall doozy, boys
Been one a long, long time
But things have change a little
Things have changed a lot
And I like this life just fine
I like it a lot.

You've come a long way, lady
You've got a ways to go
You've gone and made a bundle
You've had yourself a ball
And now, boys, now, now, now
I want it a-a-a-all

I've been a dance hall doozy, boys
Been one a long, long time
But now we'll fill the coffers
Now we'll take that gold
And we're not gonna stall
'Til we get it all!

I like it a lot!




WHERE DID LOVE LIE

(Sung by Emily in the finale)
Where a did love lie
I didn't know
I thought I'd never know
And by sun and by star
Adrift and alone
Misty mem'ries of love
On some distant shore
Faded pictures of love
Behind a closed door

But now I know
Know where love lies
It's no more far away
It is there, there for me
Like rosebuds in May
Like a warm summer breeze
Raindrops writing on sand
Love is whisp'ring to me
And I understand

Where does love lie
I didn't know
But I know now
And by day and by night
I won't walk alone
Take my hand, take my heart
Hold them tight, don't let go
Keep me home where you are
'Cause I love you so.




PEPPERMINTS IN THE PARLOR

(Sung by whole cast in finale)

Peppermints in the parlor
They are ours to touch
Peppermints in the parlor
For the touch we love so much

Peppermints in the parlor
Now no need to dare
Peppermints in the parlor
Are ours, ours, ours to share

Don't need to care
Don't need to stare
There's no one to gloat
As you let one slide down your throat

Peppermints in the parlor
No tempting us to fall
For there's no more eyes and ears
At Sugar Hill Hall